Top 10 Mother’s Day Gifts For Your College Football Mom

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and, as a mother myself, I already know the routine. I’ll get a hand-made card or lovely plant from my little ones and, probably, a nice bouquet from the husband.

Which got me to thinking, what would a college football loving mom like myself love to see come football season?

Better still, what might all mothers who live for the months between August and January, (A.K.A college football season) wish for—if the sky were the limit—and boundaries did not exist?

The list that follows are just a few things that might bring a smile to a college football moms face. Of course, they would have to redeem all items at a later date but preferably before the first airing of College Gameday.

More Big Time Upsets

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Montana State over Colorado, Appalachian State over Michigan, East Carolina over Virginia Tech, etc., etc,. It’s fun to see a small-time team beat a highly-favored powerhouse. It gives subtle credence to the notion that on any given Saturday, any team can go down—no matter their opponent.

Does it need to happen a lot? No, but the occasional slice of humble pie doesn’t hurt the waistline.

Less Cupcakes, More Filet Mignon

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It’s understandable that teams want to finish undefeated. These days that seems to be the only guarantee that you will end up in a BCS game. However, too many cupcakes sends a message that a team just isn’t willing to be challenged and, when a No.1 ranking is at stake, the best should be willing to prove their worth outside of their conference.

Wisconsin plays four non-conference games in 2010. The combined record of those four teams last season was 15-32. That’s ridiculous, I don’t care how tough your Big Ten schedule might be. No one wants to see a potential Top 10 team play Austin Peay and San Jose State.

Even more, how do you take a team at high value when they aren’t playing a competitive schedule? In truth, many of the BCS conferences are basically top-heavy in the power department—all the juice lay with one or two teams. The rest of the conference is borderline mediocre. So to reward Texas for playing Florida Atlantic when their league is basically them, Oklahoma, and no one else just isn’t fair.

As us moms love to say: Do your best or don’t bother.

Better Officiating From The Paid Help

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Is officiating tough? Yes. The guys who go out and make the tough calls, against the home team, in a pressure-cooker atmosphere, should be respected—60% of the time. On the other hand, way too many zebras gather on the field and make a bad call, in a close situation, that changes the complexion of the game.

Any SEC fan can attest that their team, at one time or another, has won or lost a game on the call of a guy who works at Lowes in the off-season. Now,to make matters worse, the NCAA has given these same men the right to take away points at their discretion if they feel a player was “taunting” someone on the opposing team.

Tsk, tsk….I’d say more about how I feel, but, if you can’t say something nice, then say nothing at all.

No More Regional Blackouts!

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Are you listening to me ESPN? Do you hear me, ABC?…Stop showing me the weakest games on the schedule simply because I live within distance of them. There is no way I was more compelled to see Arizona/Iowa over Nebraska/Virginia Tech last season. No disrespect to Arizona or their fans, but, come on.

Here’s a novel idea, play the games that most people want to see and let your local affiliate play the regional stuff. Why is that so complicated? I don’t really give a flip how you get it done, just git er’ done!

Which leads me to my next wish…

Note to NBC—I Don’t Want to See EVERY Irish Game

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I’m glad that Notre Dame is special enough to warrant such great consideration but do they really deserve to have every game televised—I’m not kidding.

I don’t care how great their program once was or what that little sign says in the tunnel—aside from Lou Holtz—few people outside of South Bend are drinking your particular brand of kool-aid.
If nothing else, the fact that you deemed this worthy for public consumption, gives me pause:

The Irish are DEFINITELY NOT smiling.

No More Preseason Rankings, Please!

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It never fails. A team that is ranked in the Top 25 either starts off like gangbusters and rises to the top of the heap or they start at the top and have to, basically, collapse before they are kicked out of the Top 10—assuming their name isn’t Boise State.

In 2009, how many losses did Oklahoma have before they FINALLY left the conversation? How much winning did Iowa have to do before they warranted a Top 5 ranking? Even more, who didn’t hear the conversation that if Florida lost the SEC Championship by a close margin, they might still be in the running for the BCS National Championship—in a rematch?

Ridiculous.

Scrap the preseason stuff altogether and hold all rankings until eight weeks are in the books. Make teams earn the No.’s to the left of their name for a change. A little hard work never killed anybody.

A Translator for Lou Holtz

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If I had a nickel for every time I found myself asking, “what the heck did he just say” after some long diatribe by Lou Holtz, I would be a trillionaire. I simply haven’t the slightest clue what he is saying.

Even more, whenever he does open his mouth with any clarity, he is saying something that borders on ludicrous, asinine, or down right perplexing.

Give me a translator so I can both understand and hear Lou better. If not, I have a lovely brochure for him to read, it boasts of beautiful places to both vacation and live during the fall—perhaps he could go sometime in September.

A Muzzle for Mark May

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The problem I have with Lou Holtz is that I don’t understand a word he says. However, my problem with Mark May is I understand everything he says but really just want him to shut up!

Of all the broadcasters that I am subjected to on Saturdays, he is by far the most annoying. It’s not that he doesn’t know football, he does know a little something, but it’s that he thinks he knows everything about your team and why THEY will fail. Get over yourself, Mark, nobody likes a know it all.

Even better, just ship Mark to another network and don’t air him again until the first of Octember—yes—OCTEMBER.

Stop The Playoff Talk Because That Won’t Fix Anything

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I understand completely that some teams feel the BCS shaft. However, I also know that not all schedules, teams, and players are created equal. Just because Team A beat Team B on a random
Saturday in September doesn’t mean that Team A is suddenly the best team in the nation.

Furthermore, if you start weighing the season down with playoffs and round-robin tourneys, you won’t be any closer to achieving balance in the league.

This is one issue that every fan will have a definite opinion on but, in my estimation, the BCS gets it right more times than not and a few years where it’s questionable doesn’t seem like enough to upset the whole kit and kaboodle.

Leave the playoff talk alone, no good can come of it. As for solutions, well, keep trying until you get it right. Perhaps start by eliminating automatic bids, inviting more conferences into BCS play, and requiring more competitive scheduling to weed out the pansies.

Replace the Obnoxious Fans With Some Who Actually Have Sense

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I’m so happy for you. Your daddy’s, mama’s, sister’s, brother’s, cousin John, gave you his season tickets when he moved away. Now you have the coveted seats that your family has owned for the last 50 years and feel compelled to tell us newly minted holders just how great you are and how much more you know than we do.

GOOD. FOR. YOU…..PUH-LEESE!!!

All fans are not created equal and just because the good Lord gave you a mouth to speak from doesn’t mean that He gave you the brains to make a coherent sentence.

Give me a fan with some sensibility and a bowl full of knowledge that didn’t come from a “My Teams The Best” book and I would be ever-so-happy. If that’s not possible, just give me one of those nice foam fingers so I can slap the heck out of the next one that tries to tell me what I don’t know.


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I am not a 'journalist' by trade, nor do I present myself as such. I am a wife, mother, and passionate Georgia Bulldog fan. That's it. I write. You read.